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A survey was being taken on the University of Arizona campus.
The survey taker asked a soccer player, "What do you think of bilingualism?"
"Oh, I think it's okay," said the boy, "if it's between consenting adults."
Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria.
During the course of the conversation, Biddle said,
"A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, "Please, sir, it wasn't me!"
"Ha, ha!" laughed Payne. "And I suppose the little snot had done it all along!"
Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. "I'd like the bathroom done in white!"
Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, "Green up! Green up!"
"I want the bedroom in blue!" continued the woman.
The contractor listened and yelled out the window, "Green up! Green up!"
"The halls should be done in beige!" she instructed. Again, the man barked out the window, "Green up! Green up!"
"Will you stop that?!" shouted the woman. "Every time I give you a color, all you do is shout 'Green up!' What the devil does that mean?"
'Tm real sorry, ma'am!" explained Corbett. "But I got three Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin' to put in the front lawn!"
A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded.
"Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared. "They're not absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now, and don't you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me another question?"
"Yes," said another guest. "Is it true that professors are absent-minded and have bad memories?"
"Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that question."
Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam.
The coach desperately needed him to play in the Syracuse game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam.
"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are there in a circle?"
"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big is that there circle?"
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